You're about 80 years too late.
Buster Keaton gets a monkey as a sidekick in The Cameraman (1928), and together they make their way through a gang war in Chinatown.
It's kind of hard to top a gang war.
I'm just sayin'.
A chronicle of my love affair with the memory of the incredible silent comedian, Buster Keaton.
"Buster Keaton" by Curtis Eller
Well, since they started in with the talkies, you can't get a moments peace
But they're talking just to hear their own voices, well at least...
That's what it seems like
'Cause there's nothing that I've heard that bears repeatin'
Won't you come back to the movies, Buster Keaton
You know it barely took a decade for those negatives to decay
But what the Hell, there was nitrate in the film stock from those days..
I guess that's the problem
But I'm not tired enough to admit that I've been beaten
Won't you come back to the movies, Buster Keaton
I wish that I was Buster Keaton when they took it all away
Gettin' drunk every night on Irish whisky
Or maybe Fatty Arbuckle when the headlines finally declared,
"Well I guess that it's just a mystery"
But I'm not gonna be like Charlie Chaplin, jumpin' on the first boat
And sail away before they have a chance to miss me
No, I'm stayin' here...here in New York City
I don't care how bad it gets
Well they keep on making pictures, but they're worthless and they're sad
And they never will make up for the silence that we had
And now we're stuck with it...
And the kids are watching T.V. while they're eatin'
Won't you come back to the movies, Buster Keaton
Won't you come back to the movies, Buster Keaton
When sound came, we found this out--we found this out from our own pictures--that sound didn't bother us at all. There was only one thing I wanted at all times, and insisted on: that you go ahead and talk in the most natural way, in your situations. Don't give me puns. Don't give me jokes. No wisecracks. Give that to Abbott and Costello. Give that to the Marx Brothers. Because as soon as our plot is set and everything is going smooth, I'm always going to find places in the story where dialogue is not called for. There can be two or three people in a room working at jobs--well, they work at them without talking. That's the way I want it. So you get those stretches in your picture of six, seven, eight, nine minutes where there isn't a word of dialogue. In those, we did our old routines. Then, when it was natural to talk, you talked. Then, when it was natural to talk, you talked. You didn't avoid it. But you laid out your material that way, and in many places it didn't call for dialogue....
Then, of course, when you give me a Jimmie Durante.... Well, Durante just can't keep quiet. He's going to talk no matter what happens.... They'd say, "This is funny," and I'd say, "I don't think so." "This'll be good"; I'd say, "It stinks." It didn't make any difference; we did it anyhow. I'd only argue about so far, and then let it go. And I knew better.